On a whim this weekend, Penny my assistant and I, both had a craving for a serious Afternoon tea. Complete with bubbly, finger sandwiches and Scones, Mad Hatter optional. And until we have an instant portal to Fortnum & Mason we've been looking for the next best thing in Southampton/Portsmouth. Between us, we have very defined expectations of what makes an afternoon tea. Scones, Jam and Cream must be there. Smoked Salmon or Cucumber Sandwiches should make an appearance. There should be a tower filled with delicious morsels and it should be dainty yet filling enough that you feel unable to eat for the following hours. And a choice of teas to choose from, from earl grey to white .
 Well we've never claimed to be easy to please, but if you can think of some promising afternoon tea venues, then let me know.

This time we headed to the Dolphin Hotel in Southampton with the promise of all the tea we could drink. And with the amount of gossiping we do, there was a lot of tea drinking planned. 

The Dolphin Hotel is a historic hotel in central Southampton, currently owned by Mercure, in its past it's hosted Jane Austen, Lord Nelson and Queen Victoria and if you go back into the 15th century there are mentions of it being an entertainment venue/tavern, I love to think of it as a possible historic burlesque venue too. I'm pretty sure it wasn't - but hey you can't prove there wasn't comedic carrying once once the sun had gone down. 

Now there are few signs of any exciting past, but a lot of boutique hotel style. The bar is a study of sophisticated greys and the dining room a refreshing blend of greens and whites. On a Saturday afternoon it wasn't exactly overrun. Penny and I had the dining room exclusively to ourselves. A pity as I'm sure if they made a focus of their afternoon

teas they could have a steady flow of customers. There aren't many places in Southampton that do a simply amazing afternoon tea, and while this place had the potential - it also felt like living through my school reports, it " could do better".  On booking we were told the afternoon tea option is available in the bar or restaurant. We do much better gossiping when not competing against a corner television so we headed into the dining room. Initially we were looked after wonderfully - Glasses of bubbly were swiftly followed by a plated afternoon tea. Mini finger sandwiches, a Scone and 3 profiteroles each. The sandwiches were very dainty (one was the size of my little finger) and despite the lack of salmon or cucumber, they were yummy. The scone was perfectly baked and even with the cream and jam heaped on top, it held its own. The chocolate free profiteroles were a strange option to include in an afternoon tea to us, but I ended up dotting mine with jam to give an almost mini classy doughnut taste. 

The food was lovely (even if we were slightly disappointed at the lack of a tower) but we were then inducted to the most Kafka style ending to a tea party I've been to. The waitress enquired as to whether we were ready for our dessert, feeling full but curious, we nodded. This was followed by her returning and saying she'd been mixed up and there wasn't any. Not that we minded, mistakes happen even with the best intention. But then the restaurant manager approached and said we would be getting dessert as we'd gone for the full afternoon tea, the kitchen was in fact making us some profiteroles. We then sat ....and sat....and since we were gossiping we hadn't realised the amount of time that was being taken. In fact, it was enough time for the Lunch shift to finish, us to realise the dessert, our thirst and our table were forgotten. And then it was onto the hunt to find someone in order to pay the bill. 

I still like the idea of us leaving just as a tower of profiteroles appeared to a confused someone in the Bar

The food was lovely, even if not quite up to our standards or Fortnum & Mason's  - the service confusing. But I'd be willing to return soon. 3/5

Oh and if anyone is looking to invest in a Hampshire Tea room, you need to talk to us. We're pretty sure we know exactly what you should be focusing on and we're also very willing to commit ourselves utterly to the research. Let no scone lie unturned.. 

Ranchos Southampron

I went into this Steak and Burger restaurant with some friends, fresh from seeing ‘The Artist’ and we were 100% hungry – Time to really give into the temptation of the 100% all you can eat ribs.

This was the first visit for me to Ranchos and stepping in both J & I were really impressed with the feel. Nicely lit, decent furniture and while the bar is small, it’s decently stocked. Although some really good cocktails and some boutique beers wouldn’t have gone admiss. I’m pretty sure all the rib wall building Fred Flintstone types could cope.

The key thing to note is that it was busy – boy was it busy. And the staff had their hands full. I’m going to guess that someone was ill or they aren’t normally so full up but the staffing was an issue. We arrived early and were asked to wait by the bar. A same size group arrived 15 minutes after us for the same timeslot and were seated before us. We were asked if we were ready to order before we’d got menus. We asked repeatedly for the rest of the cutlery (someone decided only half the table needed forks laid out) and then we were asked again if we were ready to order 10 minutes after we’d already ordered.

Now I’d rather be asked twice to order then not at all – but it added to the general sloppy impression.

The menu covers a lot of ground, apart from Ribs there are a couple of south American influences with Empanadas and fajitas, you’ve got Burgers and a couple of different steak types to pick from. Oh and any place that has Bread and Butter as a side gets an extra point for me. I find very few foods can’t be improved by making an impromptu sandwich. Weirdly, you have to ask for the all you can eat Ribs as we couldn’t see any information about it anywhere.

Now I’m not a huge Rib fan, but when done properly I dive in to the sauce pools along with everyone else. Ribs for me should cover you, your table and anyone unfortunate enough to be sat near you with layers of sauce. I want to dip my chips into it and suck the juices from my finger. What ended up on my plate were ribs…but not as I know them.

            These were huge meaty ribs…with a little itty bitty brushing of sauce on maybe 3 ribs. They just had no taste. They didn’t appear to have been marinated, slow cooked or seasoned. Now I know that a kitchen churning out hundreds of one product might not bother with marinading hundreds of Ribs but com’n guys at least cover the shortcomings with BBQ sauce! Instead it was left to us to order extra sauce and drizzle it on to our food. The salad actually had the least taste of any food I’ve eaten (that’s including rice cakes) and we stopped after the first plate of Ribs. Not cause we were full…but just because we didn’t want to eat any more…Which for a group of self professed gluttons is a little sad.

Of course you’d think that on a Rib night we’d all order the obvious but J was seriously craving a burger. I stole a bite and it was alright, but I couldn’t help agree with her that as burgers go, it could do with some work. The meat was tough and tasteless and just like the ribs, it needed more sauce.

The chips? Now the chips were good. But I don’t think I’ll be going back to get a second portion.

1.5/5 Not completely awful, and good enough if all you want is to eat your own body weight in protein. 

I love love love having my nails done. It's one of those areas
where if I had the resources I'd have them done every other day. There
is always that inevitable disappointment however when I chip, scratch or
break a nail, and with my millinery work it happens on a depressingly
regular basis. So I decided to try 'Geleration'. Each layer is covered
with a special gel that is then hardened under a special lamp before the
next layer is applied. The result should last 'up to three weeks.' And
then needs to be removed at the salon. 

I figured I may as well try a pedicure and manicure (hell, why
not?) so went in to K:SPA ( http://www.mykspa.co.uk/) to try it with
 an open mind. It's currently only available in Jessica's most popular 
colours and I did see a gorgeous bright red that I loved but bearing in 
mind the first rule of experimentation (no 1: Thou shalt test, knowing you
 can disguise the results if it all goes pasties up) I went with a very 
natural nude shade that looked beautiful when on. The beautician was 
wonderful and did a fantastic job. The gel gives a wonderfully deep 
gloss that doesn't diminish over the week and a half I had them. (Also
 happened  to be the week of my wedding so trust me, it was fully tested 
with the amount of jobs I had on my list)

After 10 days the gels was beginning to curl up away from the
base of the nail where the new nail was pushing up and 12 days in I had
to make an appointment to have the gels removed as they were starting to
catch in hair & stockings etc. I was disappointed that they didn't last
for the full three weeks, but the only fault lay in my nails having a
growth spurt.  After the gel was removed my nails didn't feel as healthy
as normal but they didn't break of split when I had a manicure later
that week.

It is only a choice between a full nail colour or a french
manicure - none of my half moon manicures (but very few local places
will do that anyway), and as mentioned before the colour choice is very
limited. It's not something I think I But next time I know I've a number
of gigs on one weekend I'll be back as they do look fabulous and stay
looking fabulous for a week. Now if only they did half moons.......

http://www.jessicacosmetics.com/miva/merchant.mvc?Screen=GELERATION