Ranchos Southampron

I went into this Steak and Burger restaurant with some friends, fresh from seeing ‘The Artist’ and we were 100% hungry – Time to really give into the temptation of the 100% all you can eat ribs.

This was the first visit for me to Ranchos and stepping in both J & I were really impressed with the feel. Nicely lit, decent furniture and while the bar is small, it’s decently stocked. Although some really good cocktails and some boutique beers wouldn’t have gone admiss. I’m pretty sure all the rib wall building Fred Flintstone types could cope.

The key thing to note is that it was busy – boy was it busy. And the staff had their hands full. I’m going to guess that someone was ill or they aren’t normally so full up but the staffing was an issue. We arrived early and were asked to wait by the bar. A same size group arrived 15 minutes after us for the same timeslot and were seated before us. We were asked if we were ready to order before we’d got menus. We asked repeatedly for the rest of the cutlery (someone decided only half the table needed forks laid out) and then we were asked again if we were ready to order 10 minutes after we’d already ordered.

Now I’d rather be asked twice to order then not at all – but it added to the general sloppy impression.

The menu covers a lot of ground, apart from Ribs there are a couple of south American influences with Empanadas and fajitas, you’ve got Burgers and a couple of different steak types to pick from. Oh and any place that has Bread and Butter as a side gets an extra point for me. I find very few foods can’t be improved by making an impromptu sandwich. Weirdly, you have to ask for the all you can eat Ribs as we couldn’t see any information about it anywhere.

Now I’m not a huge Rib fan, but when done properly I dive in to the sauce pools along with everyone else. Ribs for me should cover you, your table and anyone unfortunate enough to be sat near you with layers of sauce. I want to dip my chips into it and suck the juices from my finger. What ended up on my plate were ribs…but not as I know them.

            These were huge meaty ribs…with a little itty bitty brushing of sauce on maybe 3 ribs. They just had no taste. They didn’t appear to have been marinated, slow cooked or seasoned. Now I know that a kitchen churning out hundreds of one product might not bother with marinading hundreds of Ribs but com’n guys at least cover the shortcomings with BBQ sauce! Instead it was left to us to order extra sauce and drizzle it on to our food. The salad actually had the least taste of any food I’ve eaten (that’s including rice cakes) and we stopped after the first plate of Ribs. Not cause we were full…but just because we didn’t want to eat any more…Which for a group of self professed gluttons is a little sad.

Of course you’d think that on a Rib night we’d all order the obvious but J was seriously craving a burger. I stole a bite and it was alright, but I couldn’t help agree with her that as burgers go, it could do with some work. The meat was tough and tasteless and just like the ribs, it needed more sauce.

The chips? Now the chips were good. But I don’t think I’ll be going back to get a second portion.

1.5/5 Not completely awful, and good enough if all you want is to eat your own body weight in protein. 

Those of you that have read my Geleration review will be aware at my disappointment about the long lasting claims. I love the gel nails – I just don’t like the costs (and fibs) involved. But this Christmas I got a Gel nail set. And just like a kid at Christmas I barely paused for breath before playing. And all I can say is – get one!

I no longer care that it’s only going to last me two weeks as I can just do my own manicure when I need it redone. (Although I do still love having someone else do a hand tidy first).

The main set was a Gelish Brand (a brand that does have super reviews) all the various layers of polish and a couple of neutral colours along with some ‘fun’ colours bought from China a brand called Laquee Reth (that are much cheaper). So far the longest they’ve stayed has been 8 days – but that’s more due to my impatience to try another colour more than anything else.

And here are my tips for at home gel nails.

Keep some baby wipes nearby – and some Q-tips.

Before starting – rub on some sun cream on your hands, before using a nail scrub to remove any reside.

Try to keep a thin border around the outside when applying the colour on the nail. I’m not sure how true this is but I was told it helps bond the colour.

If your UV Lamp doesn’t have a timer – then use one on your phone. I ruined some nails thinking ‘that will do’

You can use any colour nail varnish (or even glitter) –  it won’t last as long but you’re still looking at at least a week. (just make sure to let it air dry before putting on the top coat.)

After the top coat has cured, wipe over with a drop of oil for extra shine

Don’t just peel them off when you want rid – remove them properly. I have these funky looking things from Amazon to let my nails soak.

Oh if you do by some – I find the Laquee Reth varnish not only cheap and cheerful, but easier to use then the Gelish.

I’ll pop up a ‘How to’ this month if anyone is interested.

If anyone has one (whether they use it or not) I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Covets and Craves

Sorry to anyone in training to be the local scrooge - But with the first window on my Advent Calendar comes the start of my favourite month and this week's covets and craves is inspired by the start of the Christmas preparation period. 
Hotel Chocolat Advent Calendar:

It's just not a Christmassy December without a cardboard box containing a daily dose of chocolate. And for the last three years I've loved my Hotel Chocolat calendar - a daily dose of luxury. And yes it might be more expensive than buying a cheap calendar at Tesco's, but you not only get good chocolate -you avoid the disappointing feeling when you open up the window to discover a sliver of chemically tasting chocolate.

http://www.hotelchocolat.co.uk/advent-calendars-CHCAdvent/

Scandilicious

I'm making a rare exception to listing stuff I want to include something I have. I just think you should have it too. Especially if you like to cook. 

I have a weakness at the moment for all things Nordic. I'm devouring Swedish fiction, I'm desperately wanting to visit Helsinki soon, and I'd love to go above the arctic circle and gaze on the northern lights and I'm becoming near expert at making Cinnamon Buns.Last May during my time at the Hay festival (  www.hayfestival.com/ ) I was lucky enough to listen to Signe talk about her cook book Scandilicous and promptly bought a copy. And since then I've been making the best cakes ever (FYI - Try using the sponge recipe from the coconut cake for cupcakes - it's sublime). Not to mention the fabulous Cinnamon buns. And the non-baking recipes are pretty good too.

http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/products/signe+johansen/scandilicious+baking/8698895/


That Dress

How's this dress for something truly amazing? Just the thought of wearing this over a tight laced corset makes me start to melt inside. Trust me - anyone looking for a vavavoom dress - look no further...and if you do wear it to the office party then I think the world needs photos.

www.belladonnasboudoir.com 

 I am really looking forward to the upcoming Marilyn Monroe movie. Monroe is one of my favourite style icons. Her off duty style is completely at odds with her ‘Movie Marilyn’ look, and it’s so classic it wouldn’t look out of place now.

            From the pictures available, it’s easy to see she seemed to prefer a soft toned palette, Creams, Greys and Blacks with soft block colours. She had old favourites that she rewore (even once they were stained) and as opposed to the naively se y character she often portrayed on film, she dressed in a what is seen now as an exceedingly modest way. High necklines and turtlenecks, trousers and form skimming dresses.  

               

        
            But off course she could turn it on when she needed to – As an actress she knew the value of her image. At appearances, premieres and nights out she could turn up the wattage and play the character. Out would come the low necklines, the figure hugging dresses with the diamonds and furs.  Wearing whites and Gold’s she would stand out in the resulting publicity photos looking luminescent – and draw the eye every time. In an era before stylists, she managed to create and control her look
  

            I’m not expecting to be blown away by the movie – but I am expecting to come out with a new mental shopping list. It looks as though the costume department on the movie really excelled themselves, especially with the underwear (by the fabulous - What Katie Did - www.whatkatiedid.com/)

There’s a lovely dress like Marilyn article here:  http://www.guardian.co.uk/fashion/2011/nov/15/marilyn-monroe-film-costume-designer

I like vintage…but there is a case of taking it too far. Looks like some people in Iowa are hoping to tap into the golden era of prudery.
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=iowa%20citation%20burlesque&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CBwQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fjezebel.com%2F5846800%2Fburlesque-show-cited-for-accidental-breast%2Bflashing&ei=s4LUTo_FBMbV0QGA2dXdAQ&usg=AFQjCNGShH0ZHWd_ngh0LHlB0aXI_C9fWA
            Over here on the British side of the pond, we have (justly or not) a very mixed idea of American values. It’s a huge nation so it’s not surprising that values appear mixed. It is after all the country where you have people who live like it’s 1700 with people who like their in a MTV video. But we also get the overall impression (ignoring the fundamentalists) of a culture with a live and let live ideal. A overall feeling of ‘hey, that’s not for me…but if you want to live your life on a pogo stick then knock yourself out. And good for you for going for it’. I’m sure it’s not all as clear cut as that, but seeing as we’re now in the 20th century I was still surprised to read about the burlesque performers cited for prohibited acts.

            It’s no longer the golden age of burlesque where you have the Minskys of new york being pulled in to court on a regular basis to defend their shows (or to provide the courtroom a good laugh). Reading the Minsky books you get an idea of the humour the minskys felt at the time – not only were the judges on their side, but it provided amazing advertising. But now? There is no longer a cop warning light system – we no longer  design costumes with ‘privacy curtains’ to satisfy censors and as for raciness, you can find a music video within minutes that could be considered more indecent. 

         
            But for someone who decided to go and see ‘The Naughtiest show in Iowa’ and then discover that they think a womans body is indecent and should not be shown seems a bit strange. No matter that one of the performers concerned had a costume malfunction or that quite frankly when we get down to it, they only showed their chests, this person felt the need to report it to the police who seemed to be quite happy to do their duty (at the cost of the $20 ticket price to the tax payer) and issue the citations. Well I suppose they couldn’t ignore it – after all the instigator had made sure he had his evedence by recording and a citation is as good a way to advertise now as it was back then so hopefully they’ll find a way to use it to their advantage – if they can convince the owner that is…

Ok - well this weeks covets and craves just has to be about the vintage range from Triumph .

Like any vintage loving gal who's built sandcastles in her past, I do agree that you can't build something truly amazing without the right foundations. From Michelle Williams to Christine Hendricks, any vintage inspiring goddess says that the key to the look involves the right underwear.

It might not be as comfortable as a T-Shirt B, It might not allow you to slump back or to ignore an expanding waistline - but it does make you feel and look more feminine*. The days I wear a Corset, stockings or Girdle I feel conscious of my body. I stand straighter, I feel more feminine and whatever I wear instantly looks better. Take any dress and add a corset and all of a sudden you're filled with that vavavoom.

On my santas wish list is this corset:

& These

And best of all? Right now it's 30% off online.
http://shop-uk.triumph.com/

Turns out then when I use phrases like ‘ Pasties up’ and Merkins – I’m in the minority of the english speaking world – who’d have thought? Well until The oxford dictionary starts hanging around backstage I thought I’d create a quick reference guide/Glossery for those who can’t be bothered to google random phrases – or for where google has been no help what so ever. Some of these terms have probably been used in the theatre since the first curtain up.

So here you go – the random glossery of british burlesque

Ad Lib — Short for "ad libitum" (latin), meaning "at will": to perform language or business made up by a performer on the spot (and not rehearsed or in the script). Doing an ad lib might be necessary (to disguise some problem, like another performer forgetting a line).

American strip – refers to a style of burlesque that tends to compromise a glamorous strip tease. Popularised again by acts such as Dita Von Teese & Immodesty Blaise.

Beat — a short pause (measured intuitively, about one second) used for comic effect or to emphasise a pose.

Billing/Bill — The names of performers as displayed on a theatre’s marquee and in its advertising. A performer's status is indicated by the size and placement of their name (who is higher or more prominently billed).

Bit — A sketch, routine, trick, any segment of an act.

Bomb — To perform an act that gets embarrassingly little audience response.

Boston Version — a "cleaned-up" version of a routine, so called because Boston censors were very strict.

Break a Leg — the traditional backhanded expression wishing other performers a good performance. It’s considered that to wish someone luck will jinx the performance. Other Burlesque versions include: Snap A Sequin*, Break a nail & Pop a Pastie*

Breaking-in — when you are performing a new act but still tweaking it to get rid of any unseen issues.

Break Up — to lose your concentration so severely (often by being carried away with laughter) that you have to pause to recover. It is considered unprofessional, though it can be indulged in (even feigned) by comic performers to give the impression that the proceedings are funnier than they really are. 

Bump – to move the hips in a direction as though using them to close a car door.

C-String – A wired strip of material, curved to hold itself in place and cover a performers pubic area

Call — the time a performer is expected to be at the theater. "I have a 5pm call."

Capper — usually the last in a series of three jokes.

Chooser — A performer who "researches" his act by viewing other acts for the specific purpose of stealing material.

Civilians — People outside show business.

(to) Close — perform the last act after a star's performance ("I closed for Anna Fur Laxis in Glasgow").

Cold — A "cold" audience is in a bad mood an unwilling to cheer, applaud or play along. Or a performer may have the bill changed due to an emergency and have to perform "cold" (without adequate preparation). 

Cheesecake— refers to a deliberately old fashioned style ‘cute’ burlesque.

Counting the House — looking out into the house surreptitiously, to estimate the box-office success of the show.

Cover — to make up dialog and/or business to keep an act's continuity despite a mistake or accident onstage without breaking character or letting the audience become aware of the error.

Died — Played to perfunctory applause or none at all.

Disappointment Act — an act substituted for an advertised performer who could not appear.

Effect Finish — a finish getting its impact from the use of props or special effects (think of a baton twirler finishing with a bombastic display of flags, sparklers and lights.)

Excess Baggage — A vaudevillian's spouse who tours with the performer but does not perform.

Feature Spot — the top-billed act, the major advertised attraction.

Fans – Usually Over large feather fans used to play body peekaboo with the audience but alternatives such as Stained glass fans, Silk Fans or even dustbin lids have been used.

Finish — the finale of an act.

Flash Act — A generic act, usually along the lines of a classic fan dance or American style strip; something that could be booked on little notice and fit anywhere into the program without rehearsal, often as an emergency replacement.  

Flop — an act or show that utterly fails.

G-string — a narrow strip of fabric that covers a performers pubic area, the remainder supported by nearly-invisible strings, designed to circumvent narrowly-defined anti-nudity laws.

Gorelesque – A Cross betweenB & B-Movie gross out gore. Often includes side show aspects as well as blood, guts and pure hammor horror.

Grind – to rotate the hips slowly

Green Room — Not often available in venues, the "green room" is a quiet room (traditionally painted a restful shade of green) adjoining the stage where performers ready to go on await their calls to the stage.

Headliner — Star of the show whose named appeared most prominently on the bill and in the advertising, perhaps even "name above the title."

Heckler — An audience member who taunts the performer

House — The audience seating area. When the doors are opened to admit the audience, it is said that "the house is open," and it would be very unprofessional for a performer to be seen in that area (unless actually performing).

 (to) Kill — To be a complete success with the audience.

M.C. or Emcee — Master of Ceremonies; the person who introduces the performers.

Merkin - A narrow strip of fabric that covers a stripper's pubic area, either kept in place with Tape/glue or attached to a C-string.

Milking — Inducing (by body language or just continuing to stand on stage and "accept" applause) an audience to continue applauding long after they would ordinarily have ceased.

Miss Exotic World – The contest for burlesques best. Based in the States this sees performers from all over coming together to compete.

Neo-Burlesque –  refers to ‘New Burlesque’ a generic catch all term for burlesque created from the  1990’s onwards.

Pasties — Decorative patches, applied with adhesive, designed to barely circumvent anti-nudity laws forbidding showing nipples.Often come with tassels for twirling.

Pasties up – When an act starts to go wrong onstage. ‘It’s all gone Pasties up’.

Prop — Short for "property", any item onstage other than scenery.

Revue — Like a vaudeville show, a revue consists of sketches, songs, and comedians. However, instead of changing its acts weekly, a revue has a longer run, and the acts might be tied together with a central concept. Ziegfeld's Follies and Lou Leslie's Blackbirds of 1928 were some of the many revues.

Running Gag — A joke or physical bit which appears several times throughout the show, gaining momentum each time through its familiarity and through its appearance in a new context.

Sight Gag — A joke which conveys its humor visually.

Show Stopper — An bit or act that earns such wild applause that the performers must pause until the ovation quiets. Often prompts a brief reprise of the material or an encore number.

Sitting on their Hands — An audience resolutely refusing to applaud.

Sideshow burlesque – An act that combines traditional sideshow trickery with burlesque. Fire tricks and on stage magic are indicative of this style.

Slapstick — Knockabout physical comedy, named for the "slapstick," a bat-like paddle with a flap that emits a huge "slap" sound when struck.

Space invader – A performer who hogs space backstage. A band booked for the same event that leave all their gear onstage limiting room.

Spirit gum– used to secure pasties

Stage Door — The entrance from the street to backstage. A bulletin board located here holds a daily sign-in sheet, information about nearby hotels and restaurants for the benefit of traveling artists, and rules particular to that theater. There might also be a set of mailboxes for the performers to receive mail or notes from the producer

Stage Left — The side of the stage that is on the performer's left as he faces the audience. (Similarly, "stage right" is the other side.)

Stage Maid – The person charged with keeping track of all onstage props and items. They set up for each act and will appear onstage afterwards to collect any items left behind.

Stage Manager — The on the night boss of a burlesque show. They are responsible for keeping the show running smoothly  and in smaller shows often doubles up as the stage maid.

 Stealing a Bow — Reappearing on stage for another bow (tending to keep the audience politely applauding) when the volume of applause does not really warrant it. One way of "milking" applause.

Stooge — A comic aide to a comedian, often a performer who appears to a "volunteer" called up to help from out of the audience.

Tag Line — A short sentence used to sum up the performers style.

Take — A comedic facial reaction. A "double-take" is a "take" (usually depicting simply noticing something and starting to move on) followed by a quick return to the sight and a broad, shocked reaction to what you've just seen. A "spit take" is a reaction of such shock that the performer sprays out whatever he had been drinking or eating when the stimulus was received.

Tape – double sided/Toupee/Carpet tape An alternative to spirit gum– used to secure pasties

Tassels – Pasties with a Tassel attached for twirling.

Took the Veil — Retired from professional life. From the Catholic term for becoming a nun.

Topper — A joke that amplifies and gets extra energy from the previous joke.

Traditional burlesque – Used  to refer to either a traditional striptease or a satirical skit.

Upstage — Before the twentieth century stages were often "raked" or slanted, higher in the back than in the front. So ‘Upstage’ is towards the back. Downstage towards the front.

Walking off Cold — Flopping, leaving the stage at the end of your act while leaving the audience unimpressed. 

Wings — The areas offstage right and left, out of sight of the audience but clearly visible to performers onstage.

* Much love to Khandie Kisses & Jackie Martin Corban for suggesting additions.

I would love to keep adding to this, so please feel free to suggest any more wonderful weird words, phrases or ideas.

This is a longer covets and craves post then normal seeing as it’s the first one in quite a while. And While I could just list everything on my seasonal wish list, I’m pretty sure that would be more than a touch overkill. So I thought I’d just focus on the 5 senses instead:



Aroma: Rituals Spice Trail

        For my birthday I was given a rituals set. I’d never heard of the brand before but instantly fell in adoration the first time I tried it. One of those lovely spa style brands with unfussy packaging, essential oils and well trained staff. (Bonus points to the counter at John Lewis, Southampton.) They have surprisingly range covering everything from bathing indulgences to teas and candles. Every so often I buy a fragranced candle but am increasingly tempted by the fragrance sticks (Hopefully they’ll banish the memories of cheap joss sticks in my teen years) and this one sounds perfect for autumn.

(www.rituals.com/nl-en/product/spice-trail-760)

Taste: Hotel Chocolat’s Billionaire Shortbread

        I love Hotel Chocolat – far and away my favourite chocolatiers, and not just due to their habit of getting you hooked by handing out free samples in their stores. It’s the kind of chocolates that you hide away from everyone else and eat very slowly, appreciating the smell and textures as well as the taste. And right now, these are my favourites. Although I wouldn’t exactly say no to any of the others….

(http://www.hotelchocolat.co.uk/Billionaire-Shortbread-P190252)

Sight: Alexander Mcqueen shoes

        Those who see me on a fairly regular basis might be aware that I always tend to have some skull like jewellery on my person. But if I could – I’d be wearing these right now.

     Alexander McQueen is my favourite design house. I love the quirkiness, the gothic touches and the pure ability and knowledge displayed in every piece. And right now these shoes have me salivating over my keyboard. And just in case anyone has a size 6 pair going spare, I can offer them a very good home ;)      

( http://www.alexandermcqueen.co.uk/uk/en/shop/Womenswear/Shop/Shoes/High-Heels/P-STUDDED-TWEED-SKULL-PUMP.aspx)



Touch: Faux Fur Blanket

        Autumn for me always involves curling up under a gorgeous blanket with my SO and right now I’m loving this

Faux Fur throw from the Star by Julien MacDonald range at Debenhams

 (http://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10001_10001_329004017894THRO_-1?breadcrumb=Home%7EHome+%26amp%3B+furniture%7ECushions+throws+%26amp%3B+rugs) .

 It seems positively designed for an evening spent sipping red wine and listening to the rain hitting the windows.

Sound: Motorhead

        I’m all excited about being off to see Motorhead next week in Southampton so it’s really got to be them. Classic rock from some of the gamechangers of the genre.